A05 - short clean jokes the funniest jokes good clean jokes wedding jokes clean clean christian jokes clean jokes short clean joke clean school jokes funniest clean jokes clean jokes for the day funny clean jokes jokes jokes clean Christmas jokes female kissing naked teats rape homo licked gay blow job lesbian oral french kiss
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.
Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..."
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.
Q: How do you know you are a true stoner?
A: When your bong gets washed more than your dishes!
Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
Q: What do you call a pothead with two spliffs?
A: Double jointed.
Q: What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?
A: Malnutrition.
Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?
A: Because pot holder was taken
Q: Did you hear about the kid that overdosed on weed?
A: Niether did I.
Q: What do you call a family that grows Marijuana in their backyard?
A: A Joint Family.
Q: What do you call a stoners wife?
A: Mississippi
If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours.
Followed by a global food shortage.
Q: What is a stoners idea of a balanced diet?
A: A joint in each hand!
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
A: Han So-high
Q: What do you call an apple pie getting high in Mcdonalds?
A: A baked apple pie.
Q: What did the stoners girlfriend say?
A: If I can't marry a dude, i'll Mary Jane
Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?
A: Marijuana
Q: What do get when you soak a spliff in Vodka?
A: The Holy Spirit!
Q: What do you call a potato that smokes weed?
A: A baked potato.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Q: What do you call a stoner when horny?
A: A weed wacker!
Q: What do you call a bunch of mexican stoners?
A: Baked Beans.
Q: How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?
A: Wave.
Q: What did the frog say after lighting up?
A: Don't Worry be Hoppy?
Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana ?
A: A pot belly
Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?
A: Drug Abuse.
Q: How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ?
A: When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter.
Q: How do you know your a pothead?
A: You studied five days for a urine test?
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
Q: What do you do if you see a space man while getting high?
A: Park in it dude
Q: What's the point of a weed wacker?
A: Weed wackers need to wack it too!
Q: How do fish party ?
A: Seaweed.
Q: Why did the pot head plant cheerios?
A: He thought they were donut seeds.
Q: What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ?
A: A Liar.
Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?
A: A pot hole!
Q: What is Reality?
A: An illusion caused by a lack of good weed.
A stoner called the fire department and said, "Come quick my house is on fire!"
The Fireman asked "How do we get there?"
The stoner says "DUH, in a big red truck!"
Q: How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb.
A: Screw it, we got lighters
Q. How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A. I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
Q: How do you hide pot from a hippie?
A: Put it in his work boots.
Q: What do you called a doped-up Pikachu?
A: Tokemon!
Q: What is the difference between politicians and stoners ?
A: Politicians don't inhale...they just suck.
Q. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?
A. Homeless.
Q. What's the difference between a stoner and a tweeker?
A. When a pothead is driving down a road he is driving about 20 mph and eating the upholstery. When a tweeker is driving down a road he is driving about 200 mph, and talking to the upholstery.
Q. If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A. The cop!
Q. Why did the stoner cross the street?
A. His dealer lived on the other side.
Q: What do a bad football team and a pothead have in common?
A: They both get blitzed!
Q: What type of pizza does a potheads eat?
A: STONEBAKED!
Q: How do you hide money from a hippie?
A: Put it under the soap.
Q: What do a quarterback and a pothead have in common?
A: They both get blitzed
Q: What did the stoner at the party say before the cops came?
A: Let's blow this joint.
Q: Did you hear about the midget that got baked?
A: He could finally hold his head up high.
Q: How many Stoners does it take to change a light bulb
A: Who cares man, its to bright in here anyway!
Q: What do you call an event when two cities that legalized marijuana get together.
A: The Super Bowl
Q: What do you get when you eat too much hash brownies?
A: A pot belly
Q: Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
A: He was too far out, man!
Q: What is a stoner's favorite dream?
A: Getting so high he can eat a star.
Q: How do sharks get high?
A: reefer
Q: How did the pothead burn his ear?
A: He answered the phone while ironing his clothes
Q: What do you call a stoner flying through the hallways in college?
A: Enjointment.
Q: What cartoon does Mary Jane watch?
A: The Power Puff Puff Pass Girls
Q: What do you call the dude that brings shrooms to a party?
A: A fungi
Q: Did you hear about the stoners who were planning to rob the medical marijuana shop?
A: First they had to case the joint.
Q: What do you call a cartoon about smoking trees?
A: George of the Junkies.
Q: Did you hear about the guitar that got baked?
A: It was highly strung.
Q. How do you get an one-armed hippie out of a tree?
A: Hold out a joint!
Q: What do you call someone who smokes the Forest of Feelings?
A: I Don't Care Bears.
I never realized so many Muslims smoked weed.
I always hear about them getting stoned.....
I was about to smoke weed with a Mexican girl.
Until I asked her if she had papers, she immediately ran off.
Friend: "You could go to jail for weed!"
Stoner: "Jail sells weed?"
So one day a boy asked a girl can you suck my dick, and the girl replied "No I am a vegetarian, I smoke them trees."
Weed Mantras
Don't drink and drive. Park and spark.
Alcohol kills, weed chills.
Making bank, and smoking dank.
Life is what you bake it.
Sorry for my bluntness, that's just how I roll.
Wake Up, Bake Up.
Wake & Bacon
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?
Haters bring drama, stoners bring ganja
Join the marijuana movement, it's a joint effort.
Marijuana One Liners
Call me Spiderman, because I'm in love with Mary Jane.
Sex, drugs, rock & roll; speed, weed, & birth control. Life's a bitch and then you die, so fuck the world and lets get high!
Weed doesn't make you cool, it makes you high.
How much weed would a woodchuck smoke if a woodchuck could smoke weed?
Freedom doesn't exist if nature is illegal.
Are you a drug, cause I marijuana take you home with me tonight.
Always take your driver's license picture STONED, so when you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like that.
God is perfect. Man is not. Man made liquor. God made pot.
What if Instagram instantly gave you a gram?
If someone could convince Justin Bieber to drive Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan off of a cliff, we could kill two birds with one stoner.
Girls that smoke weed are just so much more chill.
I'm not religious, but I worship Mary Jane.
If I drank as much as I smoked weed, I'd be dead.
Dig a little hole, plant a little seed, wait a little while, smoke a little weed
I'd rather have a world of potheads than alcoholics.
I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow these trees down.
Don't get high......Stay high!
If she can roll, wife that bitch.
UNDER the influence, but ABOVE the ignorance.
Got busted with weed once and the cop asked me to give up my source. I said "Mother Earth."
I'm not addicted to weed, but I smoke it like I am.
Gas prices may be high, but I am definitely higher.
I go to a school where the students are higher than their grades.......
Girls that smoke weed > Girls that smoke cigarettes.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you're talking to drugs, you're probably already on drugs.
Sometimes I smell weed and can't tell if someone is smoking near me, or if its just my clothes.
You might regret what you do, but you will regret what you dont smoke much more.
Good weed and good music. Total relaxation.
Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.
I stay high cause I like the view.
Weed doesn't make you stupid, you were stupid before you smoked the weed.
Purple haze got me in a daze.
Girls that look like barbie, but smoke like marley
It's not peer pressure, it's just your turn.
These days I don't know what's higher...my phone bills, food prices, gas, or me.
Marijuana, cant we all just get a bong?
You cant buy happiness, but you can buy weed and that's pretty fucking close.
The only weed problem I have, is when I don't have any weed, and that's a big problem.
Apparently weed is considered a gateway drug. That explains how I got to Narnia.
All you fuckers that don't get high, shut the fuck up and give it a try.
Join the marijuana movement, it's a joint effort.
There are two kinds of people in this world. Those that smoke marijuana, and those that need to.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.
Febreeze...Because your house stinks of weed and your parents will be home any minute.
Rolling joints is like riding a bike. Once you learn, you will never forget.
If you don't like the smell of weed, you won't like the smell of me.
Dating used to be a dinner and a movie, now it's dick & dank.
I experimented with marijuana in high school, but I pretty much have the technique perfected at this point.
short clean jokes the funniest jokes good clean jokes wedding jokes clean clean christian jokes clean jokes short clean joke clean school jokes funniest clean jokes clean jokes for the day funny clean jokes jokes jokes clean Christmas jokes female kissing naked teats rape homo licked gay blow job lesbian oral french kiss and short funny jokes