A06 - kid jokes funny clean joke clean story jokes clean hospital jokes funny jokes cute clean jokes good joke office jokes clean joke of the day clean office jokes clean blonde jokes marriage jokes clean house cleaning jokes clean Irish jokes quick clean jokes super funny clean jokes clean humor jokes spring cleaning jokes intimate dating passionate homosexual screwing fondling tits nude ever obscene scene
I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son. Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four."
Weed is good, weed is fine,
If you share your weed, ill share mine..
I smoke weed every day and night
I've smoked so much that i cant see light
I can not see, I can not smell ...shit
I'm in tha beggining of a fucked up hell!
If u think hell is worse then life
Then if I was you I would pick up tha knife
Stab thyself prepare to cry
But tha key objective is:not to die!
I failed that objective
So im going to die
This is tha end of my rhyme
So i gotta say bye!!
(to Little Ms Muffet)
little druggy sat in her buggy
smoking a joint of weed
along came a spider
who sat down beside her
and sold her a kilo of speed
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke a little leaf,
Jack got high and dropped his fly and Jill said "Where's The Beef?"
Smoking Weed Is Fun To Do
I Bet One Day You'Ll Do It Too
A Bong A Blunt Maybe Even A Joint
They All Get You High, Get My Point
So With One Single Puff, As You Take It All In
This Is Where The Fun Begins
I May Be As High,As High As The Sun
But Who Gives A Fuck Its Not Hurtting No One
Some Say Its Bad, Like All Other Drugs
But You'Ll Say Fuck It Once You Look At These Buds
With These Few Last Words I Tell You My Friend
Light That Blunt Up And Let The Fun Begin
Stoners live and stoners die,
But in the end we all get high,
So, if at first you don't suceed,
Fuck this world and smoke some weed.
Party hardy rock and roll,
Drink a fifth smoke a bowel,
Pots a plant it grows in the ground
If god didnt want it it wouldn't be around
So all you assholes who dont get high just shut the fuck up and give it a try
Roll Roll, Roll, a joint pass it down the line
Take a toke hold your smoke blow your fuckin mind
I was here, but now I'm not,
I'm round da corner smokin' pot!
I've wrote this message to prove a point,
Life is shit without a joint!
Baby girl you had it once , you had it twice.
You gonna ask your mother earth another slice.
Weed Limerick
There once was a bud named B.C.
He grew on a 7 foot tree
Till one day I plucked him Rolled him & smoked him
And now I can barely see!
Stoner Prayer
Now I pass out into sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
Grant no other stoner take
My weed and bong before I wake
Keep me safely in thy sight
And grant no crackhead's thrill tonight
And in the morning let me awake
Breathing scents of wake 'n bake
God protect me in my dreams
and make this better than it seems
Grant the time may siwftly fly
When myself shall be so high
In a green grass weed bed
Where I long to rest my head
Far away from all these scenes
And the smell of bammer smoked by beans
Take me back into the land
Where the cops never take you out
Where the weed won't burn my throat like sand;
Where the scent of chronis blows
Where the good Mary Jane grows;
Take me back and I'll promise then
Never to leave BC again
Weed Bar Jokes
The Party
A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled.
The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!"
The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"
Evils of Marijuana
A certain college professor was known for getting off topic during lectures
His favorite off-topic subject was "the evils of marijuana".
One day into his lecture he started talking about weed,
"Used regularly," he explained,"pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!"
Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? Now that's absurd!"
"Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
Bags of Weed
A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier...
Shocked, the cashier asks..'What's this for?'
The Rastafarian replies..'Me here to open a joint account'
Down The Hill
A stoner and drunk were walking down a hill.
The drunk said, "Fuck This, I'm gonna pretend I'm a bottle and just roll down the hill!"
So he did it the stoner thought for a minute then rolled down the hill.
When he got to the bottom the drunk was in pieces on the ground
So the stoner walked over to him and the drunk looks up and says "How did you make it without getting hurt?"
The stoner said I pretended I was a joint!
Two Hippies
Two Hippies are walking down a railroad track stoned.
One Hippie says "This is a really long fucking staircase!"
The other Hippie says "I don't mind the stairs, it's this low fucking handrail thats killing me."
Weed Proverbs
Don't drink and drive, When you can Smoke and fly!
I'm not as think as you stoned I am!
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
FBI
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes, how can we help you sir?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, Sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open everypiece of wood, but cant find any marijuana.
They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" said his best friend
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?" his best friend asked
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy!" his best friend replied
Appliance Store
A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads."
So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit smoking pot and will come back the next week to buy the TV.
A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"
And the store owner says, "I told you I don't sell to potheads!"
So the stoner leaves again. He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"
The owner says, "I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!"
The giggling stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?"
The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."
Little Lizard
A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey.
The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot.
So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint.
The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth.
Well there is a river just down there. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water.
All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water.
Hey little buddy waz up said the croc.
I just got stoned with my pal the monkey.
Really said the croc, where is he I want some.
He is through the brush and up the tree.
So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree.
The monkey said holy shit how much did you drink little buddy.
3 Addicts
There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil.
The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth.
So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed.
1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth,
Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth.
Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says you forgot my lighter bitch!
kid jokes funny clean joke clean story jokes clean hospital jokes funny jokes cute clean jokes good joke office jokes clean joke of the day clean office jokes clean blonde jokes marriage jokes clean house cleaning jokes clean Irish jokes quick clean jokes super funny clean jokes clean humor jokes spring cleaning jokes intimate dating passionate homosexual screwing fondling tits nude ever obscene scene and lesbian jokes