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The boy, who was a witness in court, was asked by a lawyer: "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"
"Yes, sir."
"I thought so! Who was it?"
"My father, sir."
"And what did he tell you?"
"He said the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I stuck to the truth, I would be all right."
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
Woman: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you before GLY
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Woman: Do you know what'd look good on you? Nothing !
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Boy: You know quickie has u And i together.
Girl: Too bad ugly starts with u.
Man: Your face must turn a few heads!
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs!
Man: What are you looken at?
Woman: Somethin ugly!
Man: What do math and my dick have in common?...They're both hard for you
Woman: You must be a math problem because you're annoying and difficult. I don't wanna solve your problems for you.
Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter." (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
Man: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours
Woman: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours
Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!
Man: I can make your bed rock
Woman: No you can't I have a Tempurpedic
Man: I've lost my phone number can I have yours?
Woman: Sure, my number is 911-8473 (works better if you write it down)
Man: Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
Woman: Nah, it was plain bad luck!
Man: Baby, your body is a wonderland!
Woman: That's funny, because yours is a wasteland!
Man: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Woman: Maybe once. I never make the same mistake twice!
Man: If your left leg was breakfast and your right leg was lunch, I wouldn't be able to resist snacking between meals.
Woman: If your left leg was yoga and your right leg was cycling, I wouldn't be able to resist kickboxing between classes.
Man: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
Woman: Okay, but would you stay there?
Old Man: "Where have you been all my life?"
Woman: "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet."
Man: "Wow, you're tall! How's the weather up there?"
Woman: "It's raining." and spit on him.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time."
Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash."
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
Man: xxAny Generic Pick Up Linexx
Woman: "I like your approach, now let's see your departure."
(If a girl insults you)
Hey, I may not be the prettiest guy in here, but Im the only one talking to you.
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