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No one fails a class anymore, they're merely "passing impaired."
You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
These days, a student isn't lazy. He/She's "energetically declined."
Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

Alien Sex
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars
after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.
They meet a Martian couple and
are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket,
if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
"Pretty much the way you do,"responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to
swap partners for the night and experience one another.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a
bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only
a teeny, weeny member about
half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long
enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap
his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his
forehead, his member grows until it's quite
impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive,
but it's still pretty narrow...."
"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.
With each pull,his member grows wider and wider
until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed
and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal
partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was
pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies, All I got was a
headache. All she kept doing the whole time
was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
By Tom P

A Touching Letter
Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety
Harbor, Florida forwarded the following letter. The
letter was sent to the principal's office after the
school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
This story is a credit to all human kind. Read it and
forward it to all those who could use a lift. It's a
heartwarming story

Dear Safety Harbor Middle School:

God blesses you for the beautiful radio I won at your
recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old
and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the
Aged. All of my family has passed away.

It's nice to know that someone really thinks of me.
God blesses you for your kindness to an old, forgotten
lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but
would never let me listen to it, even when she was
napping. The other day her radio fell off the night
stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful
and she was in tears.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck
you.
By Steve C

Attorney General Janet Reno
First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having
one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky
that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to
put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."
Janet responded. "Just because I am considered ugly, doesn't mean
I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."
Hillary asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"
Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass
at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest,
fart I can." And believe me, that takes the wind out of his sails, so
to speak!
Hillary was impressed and thank the General for her sage advice and
hurried home.
Well, that night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when
Hillary headed for bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew
that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts
all day, and was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and
forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Bill rolls over and says, "Is that you Janet?."
By Taz

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