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The seven-year old told her mom that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor. "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?" "Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."


BRIDGE ANYONE
A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why
she left her last employment, she replied, "Yes sir, they paid good wages,
but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked.
They played a game called Bridge, and last night lots of folks were there.

As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say "Lay down and let's
see what you've got."
Another man said "I've got strength but no length."
Another man said to a lady, "Take your hand off my trick." I pretty
near dropped dead just then when the lady answered, "You jumped me
twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise."
Another lady was talking about her protecting her honor, and two other ladies said,
Now it' s time for me to play with your husband and you can play with
mine."
Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I hope to die
if I didn't hear someone say, "Well I guess we'll go home now, that was
the last rubber."
By Maria M

Check Me Out
My wife rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the
express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to
her.

"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and
said, "Not bad."
By Steve C

CHIHUAHUA
Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had
a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with Doberman said to
his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the
bar and the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses and started to
walk in.

The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed." The man with the
Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog." The bouncer
said, "A Doberman pinscher?" The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're
very good." The bouncer said, "Come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figured what the heck, so he put on a pair of dark
glasses and started to walk in. He knew his would be more unbelievable.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The man with the
Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog." The bouncer
said, "A Chihuahua?" The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua? They gave me
a fucking Chihuahua?"
By Steve

CLIMAX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big
problem, doctor."
"Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out
this earsplitting yell." "My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely
natural.
I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained,
"it wakes me up!"
By Tom P

Confession
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions,
        so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the
    old priest asks him to step out of the confessional
    for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your
    chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new
    priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try
    saying things like, 'I see", 'Yes, go on' and 'I
    understand.' 'How did you feel about that?'"

The new priest practices, saying these phrases.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a
little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No
shit?!? What happened next?'"
By Tom P


DEATHBED
Becky was on her deathbed. Her husband, Jake, was
maintaining a
vigil by her side. He held her fragile hand, tears ran
down his face. His
praying roused her from her slumber. She looked up and
her pale lips began to move
slightly.
My darling Jake," she whispered. Hush, my love," he
said. "Rest.
Shhh.Don't talk." She was insistent. "Jake," she said
in her tired voice. " I
have something I must confess to you." "There's
nothing to confess,"
replied the weeping Jake. Everything's all right, go
to sleep ." "No, no. I
must die in peace, Jake. I slept with your brother,
your best friend and your
father."
"I know," he replied. "That's why I poisoned you."
By Tom P


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