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Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Billy about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?" After careful thought, Little Johnny said, "Actually, we went to Ohio."
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the
woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her "if you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish
for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said,
"That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful
woman in the world. The frog warned her, "you do realize that this wish
will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis,
that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I
will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, KAZAM she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband
the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than
you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what
is his is mine." So, KAZAM - she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."
By Tom P
Funeral
During a funeral for a woman who had henpecked her husband, drove her
kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest
opportunity, and even made neurotics of their cat and dog with her
explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke,
and the pastor's benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder.
"Well, at least we know she got there all right," commented her husband
By Steve C
GINGER
A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort,
thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole, the gas pains
are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she
decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the toot.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet,
and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"
The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought, "yes!"
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with
a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father
looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"dammit Ginger, get away from her before she
shits all over you!"
By Tom P
Golfing Wife
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing
like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has
his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no,"
you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should
I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like
you'd hold your wife's breast."The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and
WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.The man goes back
to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her
lesson.The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and
says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?"
asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your
husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing,
and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft.
"That was great,"the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and
swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.
By Sopho
Great-Uncle George
The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors
had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators
and Wall Street wizards.
They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their
children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one
problem arose -- how to handle that great-uncle George, who was
executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book appeared. It said, "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of
applied electronics at an important government institution, was
attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death
came as a great shock."
By NetDummy
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