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One Christmas, mom decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given. The next year things were different, however. "The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly. "How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in behavior?" "Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."
A knight and his men returned to their castle after a hard day of fighting. "How
are we faring?" asked the king. "Sire!" replied the knight, "I have been robbing
and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies to the
west." "What?" shrieked the king, "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh!"
said the knight, "Well, you do now."
By Steve C
LAST WISH
There was a man in a hospital who thought that he would die. So he asks the
beautiful nurse to accomplish his last wish.
"Nurse," he says, "I want to kiss the head of Nikita Kruschev." (you know a
president of the ex USSR who was fat and had no hair on his head).
"Nikita Kruschev? But he's been dead for a long time."
"I don't care, I want to kiss his head," the man says. "This is my last wish!"
The nurse didn't know what to do. Then she thought of something. As the man did
not wear his glasses the nurse takes her beautiful tits out of her bra and
offers the left one to the man. He holds it and caresses it, very moved. He
said, "Oh my dear Nikita, my old friend! How happy I am to see you again!"
He was kissing her left tit so warmly that the nurse started liking the whole
situation. She asks the man, "What about kissing president Eisenhower's head?"
"Yes! Is he here too?"
"Of course he is here," she says, and offers him her right tit.
"Oh my dear president, how happy I am to see you here," said the man, kissing
again and again.
The nurse liked all that very very much, and was starting to get wet, so she
asked the man, "What about Fidel Castro?"
By Steve C
LION CLUB on sex
A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't
tell his wife that he had spoken about sex, so he said he had discussed
horseback riding with the members.
A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they
complimented her on the speech her husband had made.
She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only
tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the
second time he fell off."
By Steve
Little Guy
Once upon a time, a guy was sitting at a bar.
He was throwing money around, giving the barman hundred dollar tips and
buying drinks for everyone. He was surrounded by a crowd of adoring women.
The barman liked the tips, but he was kind of curious about a little man that
would jump from the rich guy's pocket.
The little man would run up and down the bar,
kicking over the bowls of peanuts and giving people the finger.
Then the little guy would jump back into the man's jacket for a while.
The barman went over and asked the guy what was up.
So the rich guy says, "Well, let me tell you a little story.
I was walking along a beach one day, and I come across this lamp.
I rub it, and a genie popped out. I got three wishes, so my first wish was to be fabulously wealthy.
Then I wished for a harem. You can see I got both."
The barman asks, "So what about that little guy in your jacket?"
"Oh, that," mumbles the rich guy. "That's the twelve-inch prick I wished for."
By Kick
Little Johnny
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his
regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it
has an "r" after the first letter."
The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to
his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after
the first letter."
"That's right!" she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"
By Steve C
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