A19 - Best Ever Great Short Clean Funny Humorous Hilarious Stupid Dumb Jokes For Good Silly Laughs Fun Joke And Funniest Laughter english adult dinosaur santa banta urdu accounting about love nurse romantic atheist medical christmas cartoon happy birthday asian rude english best chuck norris comedy top crude punjabi simple stupid that are ethiopian one liners hilarious dirty one liners april fools laughing clean for kids cool children free love sensual romance of virgin date romantic sensuous exotic lovers passion intimate
- Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- Why is abbreviation such a long word?
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
- For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
A woman gets home, whirls her car into the driveway, runs into
the
house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs,
"Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband says, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?"
The wife yells back, "It doesn't matter....just get the hell
out!
By Taz
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she
found a lantern washed up on the shore.
She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
"Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed.
"No," said the genie, "You have been very bad
this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."
"Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame,
because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage.
And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and
do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want.
I would like to get rid of these love handles, though.
Yes, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my
love handles removed."
Poof!
And just like that......
her ears were gone.
By Steve
Making People Happy
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at
Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill
out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could
throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very
happy." Hillary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and says, "I
could throw one hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a
hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I
could throw all three of you out the window and make the whole
country happy."
By Taz
MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a
marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and
listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.
He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug.
He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once
a day!"
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want
me to bring her back tomorrow?"
By Tom P
MIDNIGHT
This man went out with the boys, and told his wife that he be home by midnight.
At around 3 AM, drunk as a skunk, he headed for home.
Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly he realized she'd probably wake up so he cuckooed another 9 times.
He was really proud of myself, having a quick, witty solution, even when smashed,
to escape possible conflict.
Next morning, his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told her 12 o'clock.
She didn't seem disturbed at all.
Then she told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said
"Well it cuckooed 3 times, then said 'oh fuck', cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another 3, giggled, cuckooed 2 more times and farted.
From Yahoo Board
Mirror
An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldom saw many people.
One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife
wanted to buy something. "Well, my wife ain't home, she's gone down to the creek
to wash clothes, but lemma see what you got," said the man. The peddler showed
him pots and pans, tools and gadgets, but the old man wasn't interested. Then
the man spotted a mirror and said, "What's that?" Before the peddler could tell
him it was a mirror, the old man picked it up and said, "My God how'd you get a
picture of my Pappy?" The old man was so happy, he traded his wife's best
pitcher for it. The peddler left before the wife came back and spoiled his sale.
The old man was worried that the wife would be mad at him for trading her best
pitcher, so he hid it in the barn behind some boxes of junk. He would go out to
the barn 2 or 3 times a day to look at the "picture" and eventually the wife got
suspicious. One day she got fed up and after he retired for the night, she went
out to the barn. She saw the mirror behind the boxes, picked it up and said,
"so this is the hussy he's been foolin' around with!"
By Steve C
A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a
marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and
listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.
He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug.
He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once
a day!"
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want
me to bring her back tomorrow?"
By Tom P
MIDNIGHT
This man went out with the boys, and told his wife that he be home by midnight.
At around 3 AM, drunk as a skunk, he headed for home.
Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly he realized she'd probably wake up so he cuckooed another 9 times.
He was really proud of myself, having a quick, witty solution, even when smashed,
to escape possible conflict.
Next morning, his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told her 12 o'clock.
She didn't seem disturbed at all.
Then she told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When he asked her why, she said
"Well it cuckooed 3 times, then said 'oh fuck', cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another 3, giggled, cuckooed 2 more times and farted.
From Yahoo Board
Mirror
An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldom saw many people.
One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife
wanted to buy something. "Well, my wife ain't home, she's gone down to the creek
to wash clothes, but lemma see what you got," said the man. The peddler showed
him pots and pans, tools and gadgets, but the old man wasn't interested. Then
the man spotted a mirror and said, "What's that?" Before the peddler could tell
him it was a mirror, the old man picked it up and said, "My God how'd you get a
picture of my Pappy?" The old man was so happy, he traded his wife's best
pitcher for it. The peddler left before the wife came back and spoiled his sale.
The old man was worried that the wife would be mad at him for trading her best
pitcher, so he hid it in the barn behind some boxes of junk. He would go out to
the barn 2 or 3 times a day to look at the "picture" and eventually the wife got
suspicious. One day she got fed up and after he retired for the night, she went
out to the barn. She saw the mirror behind the boxes, picked it up and said,
"so this is the hussy he's been foolin' around with!"
By Steve C
Best Ever Great Short Clean Funny Humorous Hilarious Stupid Dumb Jokes For Good Silly Laughs Fun Joke And Funniest Laughter english adult dinosaur santa banta urdu accounting about love nurse romantic atheist medical christmas cartoon happy birthday asian rude english best chuck norris comedy top crude punjabi simple stupid that are ethiopian one liners hilarious dirty one liners april fools laughing clean for kids cool children free love sensual romance of virgin date romantic sensuous exotic lovers passion intimate and funny jokes